


Having, not Wanting

by Mushroom



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War, Civil War (Marvel), Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 06:13:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5956654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mushroom/pseuds/Mushroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the immediate aftermath of the Civil War, Tony decides whether or not the world still has a need for Ironman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the immediate aftermath of the Civil War, Tony decides whether or not the world still has a need for Ironman.

Tony is exhausted.

He knew it was coming. He knew that with the amount of damage in New York after the Chitauri invasion, the level of hatred and fear against Supers who couldn’t control their powers, and that terrible accident with those kids—

Someone needed to be accountable. Tony understands this. He spent most of his time high on booze, sex, and parties while people were dying because of the Stark legacy. He will spend the rest of his life fighting for those who suffered because of his carelessness, his selfishness.

“With great power comes great responsibility, ” he remembers Spider-man telling him. He wonders if the kid is okay. After the superhero battle between those for registration and those against it, and the chaos that ensued, the masked teenage hero disappeared. Tony thinks it’s for the best, but he’s still worried. The anti-regs have won, and Steve is going to have a live conference in a few minutes. Perhaps Spider-man can live normally after all this.

Tony is exhausted. He looks again at the ruins before him, Avengers tower once again obliterated, but this time in the hands of those who lived within its walls, heroes who watched movies and bickered lovingly, who practiced together and spent sleepless nights drinking coffee together, saviours who were happy.

He looks up. The sleek looking space ship is still there, waiting. He knows what Peter Quill is offering. Not a chance to run away, but to be himself.

Pepper will understand. Even when they broke up, Pepper stayed strong, and through her leadership SI is becoming the kind of company that anybody would be proud of, one that’s changing the world for the better. She’s always been steadfast and compassionate about clean energy, so she deserves the best. With Happy by her side, this is the most stable and carefree she will ever be.

As for Steve….

_Finish it._

Steve won’t understand. He’ll think he’s a coward. Maybe he’s right.

_Finish it._

But the whole world is just not big enough for Tony anymore. He remembers when Extremis stopped working, when he barely escaped the gunshot, when War Machine fell from the sky, when all he could taste was his own blood, when he literally heard his own bones breaking with every hit, when his vision was blurry with sweat and tears and Tony Stark never begged in his own life, not even with a battery plugged in his heart, but Tony kept whispering, _So was I…. Steve, I l-love–_

“So are you coming or not? ” Quill’s voice from the ship jerks Tony from his thoughts.

Face damp, Tony makes a decision. He slides his finger on the touchpad forward and the wheelchair takes him up the ramp, towards the blankness of vast universes and stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this at [my tumblr.](http://mushroomhobbit.tumblr.com/post/138902152439/tony-is-exhausted)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Rogers handles a world without Ironman.

_'I hate politics,' Tony complained sleepily. He felt warm and cosy, wrapped in Steve's arms and a heavy blanket as they cuddled next to the fireplace. 'I don't even know how I managed surrounding myself with those slimy bastards back then.'_

_'Good thing you can let Pepper do the talking now, while you lock yourself up in the workshop and work on what is it, your new army of robots?' Steve said teasingly. He moved a hand up and down the curve of Tony's back, gently stroking the soft skin with his fingertips._

_'Oh ha ha ha, they're not an army Steve, you know that most of them are new models that the rest of the team can use soon.'_

_Steve couldn't help but cringe in disgust at the idea of him wearing a suit. They only fit Tony._

_'Besides, Keeping the Avengers alive and running also means schmoozing with the ass-clowns, honey.' Tony continued. 'That's just how the world works. You need to keep them in your line of sight. Sooner or later, they'll approach us and I'll have to make some arrangements, or we'll have to convince them that we're an asset. I absolutely hate it, but I have the most experience, I can make them see...'_

_Steve tightened his arm firmly around Tony's waist, who immediately stopped talking. Good. He kissed Tony softly. 'You don't need to face them again,' Steve vowed. 'I won't let you. Let Commander Fury or SHIELD handle it.'_ _'_

 

****

 

 

_Finish it._

He heard the crushing of bones beneath his shield, the agonized cry when Stark's back hits a concrete slab, the gasps, and the breathless confession, but he couldn't stop.

_Finish it._

It was easy for them to break Stark, in the end.

 

 

***

 

 

A year later, and Steve just feels numb.

History is an endless play of dominance and resistance, of power and strife and despair. There is barely any time for humanity to take a deep breath of peace before another conflict emerges, if not in their own lands then in many others, whether seen or unheard of. Steve has fought one war, slept through several, and found himself leading countless other battles, the perfect soldier to respond to any crisis. Some wars seem relatively straightforward--beat the villains, save lives, rehabilitate, regroup, and perhaps rest. Then fight again.

Steve desired a revolution. Wasn't that what made America great, that it was malleable and open and capable of change? And if he sat back and thought a bit more, looked deeply into the files Fury gave him and spent more time in Tony's library, and maybe listened, just tried to make sense of all the voices, then he would have realized that it wasn't easy. It never is. It begins with a disorganized uprising and pockets of resistance, different people asking for recognition, only to find out that the one vision everyone fought for may not be what you necessarily wanted. It's happened in past colonies and continents, one tragic political transformation after the other, but nobody thought it could happen _here._

The thing is this: these are people and causes worth fighting for, Steve never doubts this, and there are just situations and cases where you just. Can't. Compromise. But there are also those who are cunning enough to see through the cracks, to take advantage of the chaos, and Steve wasn't able to make the connection.

"--You need to send somebody to negotiate with Congress, Commander, if we leave them hanging for too long they're going to get antsy and start riling up their constituents. And the ambassadors in Latveria are demanding an explanation for the SHIELD agents that they discovered have infiltrated their embassy--."

"--from Wakanda, he just arrived today sir. We can't send Agent Wilson to talk to him alone, he's a dignitary, he deserves--"

"--Stark Resilient is refusing to accept our weapons proposal, and we need these upgraded now--"

"--Commander, Major Danvers is waiting outside this door. She says it's urgent, something about the bombings in the West Coast--"

When War Machine fell from the sky, Steve knew that that was it. The turning point. Surely the other side would understand just how dangerous their ideas could be, that they chose to ally with the worst sort of people. He was the Man with a Plan, and he never doubted his principles, what he stood for, and what was best for the people. The other side was  _wrong, plain and simple._  Steve was about to make a statement, an announcement of a new, more accepting world, until Agent Coulson informed him that the Milano disappeared in a quick burst of light, suddenly unreachable. And now _He's_ with this...other group, off to stop a bigger threat, saving many galaxies and worlds beyond the only one Steve's ever known.

 _Is there anything he can really do, bound to that chair?_ Steve thinks in a flash of panic and worry, then stops himself. He's lost that right.

"Commander." Agent Hill says. They're all looking at him from across the table, eyes trusting and expectant. Waiting for his orders.

He stands up and takes control.

 

 

****

 

 

"They're coming." Natasha says urgently. Her eyes are glassy, but they are looking straight into his. She has a hand over her abdomen, stained red. The Winter Soldier is kneeling next to her, mask in place and completely silent. He is brushing strands of crimson hair from her face with his metal hand, managing to be gentle. Fifteen men once under SHIELD's command are sprawled all over the room, unmoving, helpless against the Widow's bite. There is one corpse however, closest to her body. Most of the man's-- _thing's_ skull is mangled and bloody, but you can still see the nasty grin sewn into what was left of his face.

They hacked into their communications. If they were sophisticated enough to have found out beforehand, if they had the capability, the technology, the _foresight--_

"Fix this, Steve." The Widow never begs, not even when she was trapped in Wanda's visions, not even when she urged Steve to just _listen_ , back when she was on the other side. But she does now, in front of her friends. "Promise me you'll fix this."

"Nat--" Clint's voice is rough and weak behind Steve, but he can't look back. Can't look away. The corners of his vision are dimming. Natasha's vacant eyes are the only thing he sees.

He wasn't even here. He just arrived. He was _busy._

Steve bows his head, whispers an anguished prayer. Over the skies of Manhattan, the ships arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [read this at my Tumblr.](http://mushroomhobbit.tumblr.com/post/139054548204/having-not-wanting)


End file.
